Three Not So Little Pigs

Whether Wolf was bad to the bone because no one would talk to him or no one would talk to him because he was bad to the bone, the result was the same. Everywhere he went, mischief was on his mind.

Three Not So Little Pigs

by James Halliwell-Phillipps

adapted by Jules de Jongh

[title sequence-jingle with tagline]

Nanny: Why hello there and welcome to my cottage. We have tales, tails everywhere today. I’m surrounded by the kind that wiggle. The school gerbils have come to stay with me over the holidays with tails as long as their bodies. And of course my neighbour Jules will be bringing the story kind any…

[knock sfx]

Nanny:  …minute now. I wonder who that is? 

Jules: Hi Nanny Bea, It’s me Jules, from next door.

Nanny: What a coincidence! I was telling our listening friends all about tales, the kind that wiggle and the story kind.

 Jules: I’ll have to leave the wiggly kind to you but I have come with a story tale and some peppermint tea to spice things up.

Nanny: Did you happen to sneak a wonder word into it?

Jules: As a matter of fact I did. The wonder word of the week is…

[wonder word jingle]

Skedaddle. Skedaddle is when someone runs away in a hurry. Just like the gerbils do each time the kittens come in the room.

Nanny: Well I better skedaddle off to pop the kettle on while you could tell our listening friends about today’s story.

Jules: Today we’ll hear how three not so little pigs outsmart big bad bully. Are you ready for a story?

Nanny and Thomas: Yes please!!!

Jules: Three Not So Little Pigs

Mama pig was a very practical woman, she named her piglets after whatever she was doing the day they were born, there was This little piggy went to market, this little piggy stayed home, and of course this little piggy has roast beef, but they commonly went by Mark, Homer and Rosey. All three of them had a happy piglethood with lots of cuddles and bedtime stories but soon they grew to full sized pigs. Full sized pigs crammed onto the sofa, full sized pigs fighting to use the bathroom, full sized pigs eating like, well pigs. And as I said, mama pig is a practical woman

“Don’t you want to live somewhere with a bit more room, don’t you want to build a house of your own?” Mama said to Rosey one night while they were watching Truffles in the Attic. And Mama was right, I mean Rosey had finished school and even started a job at the local garden centre.

Before Rosey could respond, Homer jumped in, he was always trying to shake off that ‘this little piggy stayed at home’ image. “I’m as tall as a pig can get, I must be taking up more space than Rosey. Surely I should be the one to build my own house.”

Mark, although very comfortable living under Mama’s roof, could not be outdone by his brother. “Wait a minute, you may be as tall as a pig can get but I’m as wide. I take up much more room on the sofa and eat more than you and Rosey put together.”

“Okay, okay,” Mamma relented, “you may all build your own houses”. Mark, Homer and Rosey were satisfied as was Mama pig, so much so you might even think she planned this all along.

The next day came as next days do, Rosey was at her desk planning how to build her house and what her budget would allow, Homer skedaddled off to the builders merchant with the money he’d saved from staying at home so often, and Mark stayed in bed, he said he did his best thinking there.

Homer came back with a load of timber, “It’s good value they tell me, and will go up very quickly so I can move in quickly.” Rosey was still planning her house when Mark woke up. “Hey what’s that pile of timber doing in the drive?” he said. 

“I am building my house and should be done before you even start yours,” said Homer goading his brother.

Mark took the bate and skedaddled off to the nearest market. “I need something to build a house in a hurry,” he said to the first man he met. “Ah,” said the man looking at Mark with a cheerio stuck to his chin and slippers still on his feet, “you look like a discerning fellow, try some of these bundles of straw, they’ll build you a house in a hurry but make sure you…” Mark didn’t stay to hear the rest, he had a house to get on with. In a flurry Mark built a house of straw and managed to throw a housewarming party before he even made up the Ikea flatpack furniture.

Rosey went to the party but only for a little while, she had to get back to planning her house. Homer missed the party all together as he was building his own house of wood. Rosey went for a while then got back to planning her house.

Homer’s house was a fine looking specimen, painted blue with white trim and a little mat outside the door that said, “Home sweet Homer”.

He was in it a full 2 weeks before Rosey even broke ground. Finally she started her house of brick. And what beautiful bricks they were, handmade from local clay and baked to perfection.  Altogether they made a splendid home. When the last brick was put on the tippiest, toppiest of her chimney an unwanted visitor came to town. 

They call him Wolf and he was bad to the bone. Whether he was bad to the bone because no one would talk to him or no one would talk to him because he was bad to the bone is hard to tell but the result was the same. Everywhere he went mischief was on his mind. This day he’d set his heart on a roast pig dinner and knew exactly where to get one. So he arrived at Mark’s house of straw, knocked on the door and said, “Little pig, little pig, let me come in.” To which the Mark answered, “Not by the hair on my chinny chin chin.” (the one the cheerio stuck on it).  Wolf replied, “Then I’ll huff, and I’ll puff, and I’ll blow your house in.” So he huffed, and he puffed, and he blew the house of straw down.

Mark skedaddled to Homer’s house of wood. Wolf followed and knocked once again ”Little pig, little pig, let me come in.” Homer hollered back “Not by the hair on my chinny chin chin.” “Then I’ll huff, and I’ll puff, and I’ll blow your house in,” Wolf said and then he did. He huffed, and he puffed, and he puffed, and he huffed, and at last he blew the house of wood down. Homer grabbed his personalised door mat and skedaddled next door with Mark to Rosey’s house of brick.

“Hi there guys, what an unexpected plea…” Mark interrupted with a pant, “bad …wolf…coming.” “Little pig, little pig, let me come in.” “See.” Homer whispered to his sister, “Now you say: Not by the hair on my chinny chin chin.”  “Oh, okay, Not by the hair on my chinny chin chin? Are you trying to tell me something?”  “No, no, no, no well maybe, some other time.”

 

“Then I’ll huff, and I’ll puff, and I’ll blow your house in,” and with the arrogance of repeated success, Wolf huffed, and he puffed, and he huffed and he puffed, and he puffed and huffed; but he could not blow that house of brick down, so he took another approach. “Little pig, I know where there is a nice field of turnips.”  “Ooo, I do like turnips,” said Rosey. With Homer and Mark dumbfounded. I mean how could she fall for that they thought.  “Just go with me boys, and where might I find a nice field of turnips?” Rosey added.  “In Mr Brokenbacker’s Home-field of course, and if you will be ready tomorrow morning I will call for you, and we will go together, and get some for dinner, I know a little place, nice ambience.”  “Consider it booked. What time should I be ready?”  “Let’s say 6 o’clock, I’m in the mood for an early supper.”

Well, the not so little pigs got up at five, and got the turnips before the wolf arrived. Give him his due, he was a timely, albeit bad to the bone guy, at 6 oclock precisely he knocked on the house of brick door, “Little Pig, little pig are you ready to dine?”  Rosey replied “Ready! Why I’ve been and come back, and have a nice potful for dinner.”

Wolf was not impressed, in fact he was furious. “I will have to up my game little pig for Mr wolf will have his dinner, mwahhh okay that’s too much, even for me.” Wolf left for a couple days in so they would forget all about him.

(Just so you know, they never would forget about a wolf at the door, are you kidding, they were on red alert.)

One sunny morning he arrived with a basket of shining apples and left them just a few paces outside Rosey’s door, Wolf hid behind the bushes. “When they come to get them I will pounce and all three will be mine!”

“Okay boys, let’s think about this, he may be stronger, hungrier and angrier but there’s three of us and only one of him.” Mark knew just what to do, he was an expert in the field and all his research would finally pay off, “He has to sleep sometime!” So Mark skedaddled off to bed, his superpower was that he could sleep anytime and that would fool his enemy. In the middle of the night Mark was wide awake, from the upstairs window he used a fishing rod to hook onto the basket and very slowly he reeled it up. 

Wolf only dropped off to sleep for what he thought was a few minutes but when he woke, the basket was gone and another plan spoiled. This made Wolf more than furious he was down right livid!. And ever so hungry. “That’s it, no more games little pigs, I’m coming to get you,” Wolf said in the most convincing way. He noticed on the tippiest, toppiest of the house was a chimney, or as Wolf chose to think, an open invitation to dinner. He started scrabbling up the side of the house, up the edge of the chimney where he smelled the most inviting apple and turnip stew cooking on the fire below. 

Rosey called up to him, “Bigger Wolf, Bigger Wolf slide down why don’t you. The pots already boiling for our favourite wolf stew.” Wolf could take no more, he skedaddled out of town with his tail between his legs and vowed to never return again. Mark, Homer and Rosey merrily ate their apple and turnip stew and lived happily ever after, well after they built their own houses of brick and moved out of Rosey’s.

The end

Nanny Bea:  What clever piggies and very handy I might add.  

Jules:  I could use a few of them around my house. Then I’d have more time for writing stories.

Nanny Bea: Between all your building and decorating, do you reckon you’ll have some more Tales and Tea for us next week?

Jules:  Of course if you head over to our website you can find all our tales as soon as they’re ready. 

Thomas: Go to www.nannybea.com

Jules: Go there to find out more including how you can take part in the show.

[Be on the Show jingle]

Mr Announcer: This has been a Toad in the Hole production for NannyBea.com.

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