Dr Frankenbeans and His Mashup

Dr Frankenbeans is busy in his laboratory working on what some call an abomination,  but he considers a masterpiece that will change the world forever! (well, change mealtimes…occasionally)

Dr Frakenbeans and His Mashup

by Jules de Jongh

Season 1 Episode 14

[opening theme music and strapline]

Nanny Bea:    Hello and welcome to my cottage I like to call Dave, although you can’t see much of it right now for  the autumn leaves surrounding it. I’ve started a collage of the lovely ones. I’m calling it ‘Leaf me Alone’, because it’s actually quite techy, one touch and it falls to pieces, much like my cousin Irene. I must tidy up, before my neighbour Jules arrives.

[knock sfx]

Nanny Bea:  Who could that be?

Nanny Bea:  Hello, who is it?

Jules:  It’s your neighbour Jules with a story?

Nanny Bea:  In that case come, come right in. So good to see you.

Jules:  Wow, that is a colourful collage. I couldn’t resist bringing you some Raspberry Leaf tea, I thought you could add a few of these leaves to it, but you don’t seem to have any room.

Nanny Bea:  There’s always room. Speaking of room or one room in particular, today we have a caller with a wonder word.

[drum roll]

Sasha:  Hi Nanny Bea, I’m Sasha, I like playing with my little brother. I have a wonder word for you, it’s laboratory.

[Wonder Word theme]

A laboratory is somewhere that experiments happen.

Jules:  You say laboratory, I say laboratory.

Nanny Bea:  Two countries separated by a common language! Thank you Sasha for that challenging word. Now listen carefully and you might be able to maybe find it in our story. 

Jules:  Yes, Sasha inspired today’s tales of a brilliant Dr Frankenbeans who is working in his laboratory on experiments to change the world in the most unexpected way. Are you ready for a story?

Nanny Bea:  Yes please

Jules:  Okay then, Dr Frankenbeans and His Mashup

High upon a clifftop in a land just east of over there lived a man consumed with a passion beyond understanding to most of humankind. This man, or doctor if we’re using his proper title, was tormented and had been since as early as he could remember. When he grew big enough to remember even more, he decided to take action, to transform life as we know it. That is why he became a scientist, a food scientist to be precise and that is precisely what he spent day and night working on, the science of food. People told him it could not be done, they said he was a fool to even try but nothing could deter Dr Frankenbeans from his life long pursuit of ending what in his eyes was one of life’s greatest tragedies, finishing dinner to find …you had no room left for dessert. Oh he tried reversing the order, having dessert first but then he had no room for dinner and a tummy ache. He tried eating earlier and leaving a gap before dessert but when he called everyone back to the table, they had lost interest, the moment was gone. Now Dr Frankenbeans may be an obsessed, rather private fellow but he did not eat alone, quite the contrary, Dr Frankenbeans believes that food shared with others actually enhances the flavour and he is a food scientist. So he was left with a dilemma indeed until late one night, alone in his laboratory, lightning struck and ignited the idea of ideas. No longer would the world struggle to fit in dinner and dessert, not after they eat the creation of Dr Frankenbeans…Dinnert! Dinner and dessert in one dish, a mashup of the most splendid proportions! He got to work at once.

And once he started, he couldn’t stop. Night after night in his laboratory mixing up one concoction after another. His friends began to worry. Every time they came over for a chat or a friendly game of boggle, his assistant Gregor would say, “I’m afraid Dr Frankenbeans is in the laboratory.” Then they would be afraid, not so much at the thought of their friend’s antisocial obsession, they were actually afraid of his assistant who liked to hunch over and speak in a British accent even though he was a retired Walmart Associate from Plain City, Ohio. 

To be honest, Dr Frankenbeans didn’t notice. He was fully committed to his creation. After days, maybe even weeks of experiments he was finally ready, ready to reveal his masterpiece to the world. He chose the food and shoed festival where all the local blacksmiths showed   off their horseshoeing skills while visitors feasted on food from all across the region. There was the frogs and dogs stand with a selection of local sausages, the Chilli con Barney booth served up by a friendly out of work dinosaur, the spud trough where you not only didn’t need to use cutlery, you didn’t need to use your hands. Something for everyone and the perfect place to try something new thought the doctor as he popped up his display. Oh and what a display. Gregor really excelled this day. It looked like a castle iced with cotton candy or candy floss as Gregor insisted on calling it and within those grey cardboard walls were trays full of cupcakes. I would say they went like hotcakes but that would just get our cakes in a muddle. So as soon as the stall was open, the cakes sold out. And why wouldn’t they all fluffy with little sprinkles dancing around the edges. Almost at once the customers bit into their cupcakes, they went mmm when they slid through the rich butter frosting, they said yummm when they bit into the banana berry cake, they went ugggg when they hit the sauce, the sauce covered spaghetti in the middle. There was outrage, customers threw their spaghetti cupcakes at the doctor and Gregor, they scaled the castle walls tearing them to the ground. The town hadn’t seen such an uproar since they took Twinkies off the shelf. They chased Dr Frankenbeans and Gregor off the fairgrounds, hurling his dinnert and their insults, “It’s unnatural! It’s an abomination!”

The doctor and Gregor returned home dirty but not discouraged. “They just don’t understand my faithful assistant, they don’t see my vision for the future!” Dr Frankenbeans said as he returned to his laboratory, even more determined that ever to change the world with dinnert. HIs friends got tired of hearing Gregor say, “I’m afraid Dr Frankenbeans is in the laboratory,” so they stopped coming round. So deep into his own thoughts was he that even his family Whatsap group stopped hearing from him until the day he had a breakthrough. After more days, maybe even more weeks of experiments he was finally ready, ready to reveal his masterpiece to the world. This time he decided to be a bit more subtle. Maybe people resisted because of expectations a fluffy castle display could give, so this time, he went for stealth mode. He infiltrated the local ice cream van and swapped their plain, unadventurous vanilla ice cream for his ultimate dinnert ice cream. This day the van stopped outside the local school as they had a half day for teacher training. Why the teachers weren’t already trained nobody asked but the children poured out of the school happy as can be all screaming for ice cream. Dan the ice cream van man knew his audience, he had his music blaring as soon as the school bell rang and 5 extra helpers to make sure no child got away, I mean missed out. Swarm after swarm they came for their new ice cream experience. This time the doctor and Gregor hid in the bushes, I say hid but Gregor had a way of hunching wider than the hedge could hide him. The children tucked into their ice cream, they went mmm as they crunched through the toffee, chocolate shell, they went yumm when they got to the creamy custard ice cream , they went uggg when the hit the chunks of Hamburger floating in the ribbons of ketchup. Dan in the van got the lay of the land pretty quickly and drove off in a hurry. The children threw the hamburger ice cream at the van but he was already gone. A hunched over man in the hedge looked curiously suspicious so they threw it at him instead hurling the dinnert and their insults, “It’s repulsive! How dare you mess with the natural order!” Well maybe they didn’t say it quite like that, but that’s what they meant. 

Once again the doctor and Gregor returned home dirty but not discouraged, well Gregor was dirty and Frankenbeans was not discouraged. Actually Gregor started to rethink his life choices while the doctor returned to his laboratory.  “If only I can cross over, find that path between dinner and dessert, then they will believe!” the doctor said as he worked tirelessly. “Nah, I don’t think so doc, “ said his not so faithful assistant in his natural accent standing considerably taller than one would’ve guessed. Dr Frankenbeans didn’t notice, he was onto something this time, this one would be his breakthrough but before he could reveal his masterpiece to the world, before he could even take it out of the laboratory there was banging at his front door. Now normally, such petty distractions did not attract the doctor’s attention but the banging would not stop. “Gregor, please will you answer that?” But the banging continued with no sign of Gregor. The doctor looked out of his basement laboratory through a thin window just at street level. It was pitch dark outside but he could see torches as Gregor used to say or flashlights as Gregor now says, and an angry mob flailing dinner forks shouting, “Stop this madness! Leave nature alone.” Dr Frankenbeans was just cutting his latest dinnert into slices when the mob banged his front door open, in a flurry they followed the glowing light to Dr Frankenbeans and his laboratory. He was horrified, “If I knew you were coming, I’ve baked you a cake.” That riled the mob further as they remembered the spaghetti cupcake fiasco. The doctor raised his voice, “Please please, quiet down, it hurts my voice when I scream.” Like hamburger ice cream, they thought the mob flared up again. They began to dismantle the place, throwing utensils on the ground, shuffling his cookbooks and mixing up his tupperware drawer. Nothing seemed to calm them, until one brave woman noticed a smell. She sniffed her way over to find his latest dinnert. Now Sally wasn’t just a brave woman, she was a pioneer, a pillar of her community, no, no really when the awning outside of the Get and Go came down, she stood there holding it up until the repair man came. She reached towards the latest dinnert but flinched when she touched it. “What does it feel like Sally?” they shouted. “It feels like pizza.” At that Sally picked up a slice and took a bite, she went mmm when she bit through the dough crust with a crispy edge, she went yumm when she made her way to the creamy cheesy topping, she went… Wowza dowza doo when she found the blue, rasp and straw berries, bananas and whipped cream. “You’ve done it Dr Frankenbeans, you’re Fruit Pizza has changed my life!” Sally exclaimed, although she was a pillar of society she was prone to gross exaggeration, that said the rest of the mob joined in. Frankenbeans finally had a huge success with his dinnert and it tasted even better with a crowd of passionate neighbours.

The end

Nanny Bea:  Oh that Dr Frankenbeans is quite a one! But experimenting with food can lead to the most amazing results. I mean who would’ve thought salted caramel would be so delicious. Take a bite, is my motto, you never know what food you’d like until you try it!

Jules:  And some of the things I love most, I had to try a few times. Next week I’ll see if I can get a tea for you that you’ve never tasted, maybe it will be your future favourite.

Nanny Bea:  Does that mean you’ll be back next week for another tales and tea?

Jules:  I sure will.

Thomas:  Go to NannyBea.com

Jules:  Go there to find out how you can be on the show like Sasha and get in touch like our friends from Ohio, so your town can feature as well.

[Be on the Show jingle]

Mr Announcer: This has been a Toad in the Hole production for NannyBea.com.